Ugly Phase
By Destiney McIntosh
For a while I wanted to hide my hair
Because it doesn’t look like it used to
But this is part of the process
And in life we don’t always get the luxury
Of hiding the ugly phase
We have no choice but to endure the grimy
The dirty
So if you judge me
For my ugly
Just know there is a bigger picture
This is all for a purpose
But I most go through my ugly first
In time I will get there
-6.28.19
I am in the process of locking my hair (turning them into dreadlocks). And in order for me to get locs, I have to go through a process. Right now I am in a phase where my hair does not look like locs. They are short plat braids. And every day I look in the mirror, waiting for the day when my hair will look like the beautiful locs that I have envisioned.
But right now I am in a part of the process often referred to as the “ugly phase”. My hair is short and has not matured yet. It does not look like the hair I envision and it does not look the way that I’m used to. Ultimately, I am in a space where I must learn how to manage it, because getting locs could not happen without a change.
And isn’t it that way with life?
The phase that we view as dirty, grimy, or imperfect. The stage-transition, before the desired outcome. Things don’t look as they always did, but it seems going this way is unavoidable in order to achieve the desired goal.
I endure this “ugly phase”, because of the image that I have in my mind, the possibility for beautiful, long dreadlocks. When I want to doubt, or when I feel insecure, it is often this image that keeps me going. The reminder of why I am in this state. There is an end goal. It won’t be like this forever, but I cannot get where I want to be without this step.
Process.
We often want the end result without any of the in between. (Ha, do you like how I did that?)
We want results with none of the steps. But the word says that faith without works is dead (James 2:17). That must mean that work is not an option but rather a necessity in order for the desire in your heart to come alive. For that thing that you see with your eyes closed to become reality.
I will not wake up one day and have locs (though it may seem that way). The reality is that when that day comes, it will be the result of my commitment to the process. A process where I have to embrace what I viewed as ugly. And I’m not perfect yet, but this is a start…
So God I thank you for the strength to endure the process. I thank you for the courage and security to step into processes that lead us out of our comfort zones. That our faith be put to work. I pray for restoration in hope in you. The reminder that you do not put us through anything without a purpose and the tools to get through. I pray that this process, my process, be for your glory. I pray the same over anyone reading this who needs it. May this platform be used for your glory. In the name of your Son Jesus, Amen.
