Inhale (Pause) Exhale – Release
By Destiney McIntosh
I day dream constantly
Why can’t I make it stop?
Believe me I’m trying
I don’t want to be this way
Consumed by things that are beyond my control
I am doing it now
I just can’t stop thinking
I can’t make my mind stop
It takes time
Just take time
Everything is in place
I wrote this poem February of 2018 and it was around this time that I started my mindfulness, meditation journey. I was seeking peace of mind. A prevention tactic honestly to keep me from drowning in confusion.
Meditation reminding me to breathe.
Mindfulness reminding me to be aware of my thoughts.
I was in a space of why? Asking God why things had to be the way they were. And I honestly didn’t get the answer that I wanted. Be still? Breathe? I didn’t know how to do those things. But I do remember at that time, the sky was always blue, the sun was always bright, even though I didn’t feel like that on the inside.
There was a promise that despite what I was feeling, there was hope. Spring was coming. Renewal and new life. That is how nature works, there is gloom and rain for a season, in order to bring new life. Somethings have to die in order for new things to grow.
That’s what I had to go through. Letting go of my way, my expectations, my will in order to let God show me his way. Learning that in his presence is fullness of joy and abundant pleasure (Psalm 16:11). Even in the undesirable. The confusion. The uncertainty. Because he is my strength (Psalm 28:7).
I had to trust the nature of things. That everything is set, and this is all part of the process. I am actually still in that space quite honestly. Constantly reminding myself to breathe in the midst of trial and tribulation. Reminding myself of the sunflower, that starts as a seed planted in darkness and must wait one hundred days before it reaches its fullness. I realize growth is not instantaneous in fact it is relative to just how far I intend to reach, and I won’t get very high without deep roots.
I am learning to accept being underground for a while. Letting my foundation develop so that I can stand tall.
Learning to hear God. See God. Make room for God.
Minimalism is reminding me to be intentional in that aspect. I have only been practicing it for a couple of weeks. Beginning by discarding all the things I do not use, the clothes I haven’t worn in at least a year, the junk I kept in drawers, the apps I don’t need or that are a distraction, and my TV. In the physical I am removing clutter and distractions. In the spiritual, I am making room for God, making time for God. Minimalism is about priority and so I am beginning to reflect on whether the things I spend time on, reflect or distract me from understanding God, his plan, his will, his purpose for my life.
I don’t think I would’ve started this blog without it.
Meditation, mindfulness and minimalism for me have brought more clarity and peace into my life in the way that I spend my time. Worrying less and breathing more. Not to say that I am perfect or that it is for everyone, but if you are someone who is seeking these things, I would challenge you to reflect on where you find joy and ask yourself if what you’re doing on a daily basis is allowing you to experience it…